Tall Apres Ski Tales

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Skiers and riders are known to tell a “big fish” tale or two at the bar after a day on the slopes. Here’s a few favorite stretched apres truths:

• “I blew out my snowboard bindings in Heart Chute today I was going so hard.” Translation:
  

  Photo courtesy of Heavenly Mountain Resort

  “I’ve been going so hard at In-N-Out that I put on 80 pounds since I last rode.”

• “I busted my hand on the Shaun White pipe today stomping out a double cork.” Translation: “Mr. White’s  odyguard doesn’t want me trying to touch his boss.”
• “I crushed the Munchkin Chutes at Al­pine today.” Translation: “I blew past the six year olds on Hot Wheelz.”
• “I used to be sponsored by Atomic and they gave me this cool jacket.” Translation: Daron Rahlves donated this cool jacket to the nursery school ski swap and I bought it for $200.”
• “Man, I got 40,000 feet of Epic verti­cal today.” Translation: “I rode the Heav­enly Gondola up and down eight times.”
• “I broke my skis on a huge drop off the Palisades.” Translation:  “Someone ran over my skis in the parking lot.”
• “I blew past Glen Plake on Gunbarrel today and he yelled, ‘You rock, dude!”‘ Translation: “I slid half way down Gunbarrel on my face and Plake yelled from the chair ‘Watch out for the rock, dude!”‘
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• “I jumped Adrenaline Rock in front of that hot Ingrid Backstrom chick and she winked at me.” Translation: “I yard saled in front of Ingrid Backstrom on Mountain Run and she covered me in snow.”
• “They closed the Chutes as soon as I got to Mt. Rose today. I was so bummed.” Translation: “I took one look down the Chutes and had to buy new snowpants.”
• “I was a little rusty today. It’s been years since I last skied.” Translation: “I’m as crappy a skier now as I was at 24.”

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Category: Outdoors, Winter